Top 10's
Tthings A man Would never say

10..... I think Barry Manilow is one cool mother****er.
9..... While I'm up, can I get you a beer?
8..... I think hairy butts are realy sexy.
7..... Her tits are just too big.
6..... Sometimes I just want to be held.
5..... That chick on Murder She Wrote gives me a woody.
4..... Sure, I'd love to wear a condom.
3..... We haven't been to the mall in ages. Let's go shopping and I can holdyour purse.
2....**** Monday Night Football, let's watch Murphy Brown.
1..... I think we're lost. We'd better pull over and ask for directions.

Things A Woman Would never say

10..... Could our relationship be more physical? I'm tired of just being friends.
9..... Go ahead and leave the seat up. It's easier for me to douche that way.
8..... I think hairy butts are really sexy.
7..... Hey, get a whiff of that one.
6..... Please don't throw that old T-shirt away. The holes in the armpit are just too cute!
5..... This diamond is way too big!
4..... I won't even put my lips on that thing unless I get to swallow!
3..... Wow, it really is 14 inches!!
2..... Does this make my butt look too small?
1..... I'm wrong. You must be right again.

Reasons beer is better then women

10...You can have a beer in public.
9...When you go to a bar you can always pick up a beer
8...A beer won't get upset when you come home with beer on your breath.
7...You can enjoy a beer all month long.
6...A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.
5...You always know you're the first one to pop a beer.
4...You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good.
3...A beer is always wet.
2...A beer always goes down easy.
1...You can share a beer with your friends.

Blonde Inventions

10...The water-proof towel
9...Solar powered flashlight
8...Submarine screen door
7...A book on how to read
6...Inflatable dart board
5...A dictionary index
4...Ejector seat in a helicopter.
5...Powdered water
2...Pedal-powered wheel chair
1...Water-proof tea bag

Children's books never published

10...You Were An Accident.
9...Strangers Have The Best Candy.
8...Attention Deficit Disorder Handbook For Children..Hey Lets Go Play!
7...What Is That Dog Doing To That Other Dog?
6...Daddy's New Girlfriend, Steve.
5...101 Animal Cruelties.
4...Controlling Your Playground Through Fear.
3...Things Rich Kids Have And You Never Will.
2...Garfields Got Feline AIDS.
1...Blackmail The Principal...The Study Guide.

Ways to tell you are fat

10...You dance and make the band skip.
9...You go bungee jumping and go straight to hell.
8...You go to the zoo and elephants throw you peanuts.
7...Your drivers liscense says "Picture continued on other side".
6...You go to a restaraunt and instead of a menu, you get an estimate.
5...You have to use a boomerang to put a belt on.
4...Your family portrait has stretch marks.
3...People have to take three trains and a bus ride to get on your good side.
2...Your nickname is HOLY $HIT!.
1...You get runs in your jeans.

Reasons Why Sex Is Better Than School

10.... Everbody likes sex and nobody likes school,except for virgins and only because they haven't had sex yet.
9.... Sex sucks, moans, licks, pumps, throbs etc... School just sucks.
8.... After sex you feel like smoking a cigarette. After school you feel
like smoking something a whole hell of a lot stronger.
7.... You only get disciplined during sex if you want to.
6.... Drinking drives people to sex, where as school drives people to drink.
5.... Sex relieves stress. School is the cause of stress.
4.... Nothing beats the "hands on" experience you get with sex.
3.... After sex you feel like you have accomplished something.
2.... Sex is cheaper. Even if you have to pay for a hooker, it is still
cheaper than paying thousands of dollars in tuition.
1.... At least you have a choice whether or not you want to have sex. At
school your teachers screw you regardless.

Shortest books

10.... DETROIT - A TRAVEL GUIDE
9.... DR. KEVORKIAN'S COLLECTION OF MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
8.... EVERYTHING MEN KNOW ABOUT WOMEN
7.... EVERYTHING WOMEN KNOW ABOUT MEN
6.... ALL THE MEN I'VE LOVED BEFORE - by Ellen DeGeneres
5.... MIKE TYSON'S GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
4.... SPOTTED OWL RECIPES - by the Sierra Club
3.... THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
2.... MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS - by O. J. Simpson
1.... MY BOOK OF MORALS - by Bill Clinton